a grave poetic hen.

misandrwitch: Is This A Kink I Have Or Was This Fic just Really Well Written; an existential crisis...

Mon, 20 May 2013 23:37:28 -0600

misandrwitch:

Is This A Kink I Have Or Was This Fic just Really Well Written; an existential crisis in three acts

what a physically and emotionally draining day.

Mon, 20 May 2013 22:18:00 -0600

what a physically and emotionally draining day.

candlejacked replied your post themoonascendant replied your post so this doctor, who last time we...

Mon, 20 May 2013 17:56:34 -0600

candlejacked replied your post themoonascendant replied your post so this doctor, who last time we saw her was all enthusiastic and empathetic well see this through/figure out whats going on/ill help you find a specialist if you need it/we really need to help you etc etc awesome talk?apparently now that my blood test results came back showing nothing abnormal, im just depressed. (the catch-all response from doctors when you have invisible illnesses)

Ugh, Im sorry your doctor is being a fool. Maybe your parents can talk to her on your behalf?

i’m twenty, so i’m in charge of my health & corresponding with doctors/etc (and really, have always been, since it’s my health), my mom generally sits in on my visits b/c brain fog makes me have a hard time recalling dates of things (like ‘when did you first get sick’) so she helps out there, and she drives me to my visits and such, but — by this point, i’m an adult, my doctors should be talking straight to me, not through my parent, you know?

but yeah, the doc was awful /sighs.

themoonascendant replied your post so this doctor, who last time we saw her was all enthusiastic and...

Mon, 20 May 2013 17:27:42 -0600

themoonascendant replied your post so this doctor, who last time we saw her was all enthusiastic and empathetic well see this through/figure out whats going on/ill help you find a specialist if you need it/we really need to help you etc etc awesome talk?apparently now that my blood test results came back showing nothing abnormal, im just depressed. (the catch-all response from doctors when you have invisible illnesses)

I h8 doctors 4eva. Im so sorry you had to deal with that. /hugs, if you want them

I PURPOSELY WENT IN WITH NOT-HIGH-HOPES because, you know, doctors, but JESUS the first time we saw her she was like, SO EMPATHETIC AND SHIT and then this time as soon as there was nothing on the blood tests results it was like a fucking 180 turn and just. /SCREAMS. (and then i laughed at the irony of the whole “you’ve prob got some health issues — no shit i’ve been diagnosed with CFIDS and POTS and the endometriosis and chronic migraines and asthma and SHE JUST CO-SIGNED ON MY FIBRO DIAGNOSIS — but you’re depressed and that’s why you’re this sick” and i was like —- uh, a huge amount of trauma that contributes to things like depression and PTSD in chronically ill people happens to come from THEIR DOCTORS and SITUATIONS LIKE THIS) (and i was so, so not going to get into the whole PTSD thing with her b/c she would’ve just been like “OH THAT’S YOUR PROBLEM” instead of OH HEY MY ILLNESSES ARE SO SEVERE THAT THEY’VE LITERALLY FUCKING CAUSED PTSD BY BEING CONSTANT TRAUMA and i am still 100% in that severe illness state of trauma right now and just trying to survive and i can’t start healing from THAT until i literally HAVE THE PHYSICAL RESOURCES to do more than JUST SURVIVE)

/all the hugs;; i’m so angry /sighs. you know how it goes.

so this doctor, who last time we saw her was all enthusiastic and empathetic “we’ll see...

Mon, 20 May 2013 17:11:00 -0600

so this doctor, who last time we saw her was all enthusiastic and empathetic “we’ll see this through/figure out what’s going on/i’ll help you find a specialist if you need it/we really need to help you” etc etc awesome talk?

apparently now that my blood test results came back showing nothing abnormal, i’m just depressed. (the catch-all response from doctors when you have invisible illnesses) she “knows people who have severe fibromyalgia/lupus/etc who are able to get out of the house” (literally she was like i’ve never seen anyone as sick as YOU there’s something wrong with YOU) so I’M apparently just not trying hard enough/i need to “get this resolved” (myself? like, uh, apparently it’s not that I’M REALLY FUCKING SICK AND WENT TO THIS DOCTOR ASKING FOR HELP/PAIN MANAGEMENT/TO FIGURE OUT MORE OF WHAT’S GOING ON BECAUSE MY HEALTH HAS BEEN CONSISTENTLY DETERIORATING FOR A LONG, LONG TIME NOW) (i didn’t even bring up pain management that would’ve gone fucking terribly) with the implication being “this” is… me just not wanting to push myself or something? i don’t even fucking know. it was fucking awful.

i explained to her how i’d been sick before with CFIDS and recovered almost entirely (before getting sick again after the swine flu) and how that time was very, very different than this time and i had good and bad days and a slow but steady recovery, and how it started that way this time until i had my wisdom teeth surgery and then i’ve been severely, housebound ill (and getting worse) since then, and how i KNOW MY FUCKING BODY and IT IS NOT FUNCTIONING (and don’t you fucking think i take every fucking chance i have to leave the house or do more or DO ANYTHING whenever my body even gives me the SLIGHTEST OPPORTUNITY because jesus fucking christ I WANT TO BE LIVING MY GODDAMN LIFE I MISS IT A WHOLE FUCKING LOT) and she seemed to backtrack a bit on the whole “you’re just depressed” thing once i talked longer (which! yes! being sick is depressing, and i have severe trauma, but i don’t actually have depression. THAT IS NOT MY HEALTH SITUATION. IT JUST PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH B/C DEPRESSION IS SERIOUS AND VALID BUT IT’S NOT WHAT’S GOING ON FOR ME AND THEY REFUSE TO TREAT WHAT’S GOING ON WITH MY BODY) (and not to mention they seem to see it more as “it’s all in your head/you just need to try harder to think better/cope better/whatever” and just. just. /screams)

she also made an off-hand comment about how the lab tests had shown that “apparently i was eating” while looking skeptically at my legs (i’m thin) implying (loudly) that she’d also thought i was just anorexic. hah, hahaha. fuck her. i just.

i am SO ANGRY and SO TIRED and. /screams. she fucking gave up on me just because this one round of blood tests came back without any answers. (and when we were like, ‘well, maybe we’ll pursue another direction’ she was CLEARLY RELIEVED but at no point during the conversation did she ever admit that SHE just didn’t know what do with me, it was entirely that I’M doing something wrong. LIKE THIS WAS MY FAULT, THE PATIENT. and then are the very end she was like ‘well, when you’re DOING BETTER come back and i’ll see what i can do for you!’ and i was like ……..HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO GET TO A BETTER STATE OF HEALTH IF YOU WON’T EVEN WORK TO HELP ME)

i have always been hesitant about seeing mainstream doctors b/c i know my health and my body is really atypical/super complex and not an easy fix, and. and this is why. this is always why.

/curls up;;

the magic of even light make-up is you can’t tell...

Mon, 20 May 2013 13:48:00 -0600

the magic of even light make-up is you can’t tell i’ve only slept three hours and feel like hell =D

SO I’VE BEEN HAVING SEVERE STOMACH PAIN AND AM REALLY NAUSEOUS AND SHAKING AND HAVEN’T...

Mon, 20 May 2013 07:14:43 -0600

SO I’VE BEEN HAVING SEVERE STOMACH PAIN AND AM REALLY NAUSEOUS AND SHAKING AND HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO SLEEP AT ALL BECAUSE OF THIS and i’m supposed to make it to the doctor this afternoon to discuss options and hah. ahahaha. it’s going to be a long day.

i seriously need to go to bed but holy shit i love this.

Mon, 20 May 2013 04:14:33 -0600

i seriously need to go to bed but holy shit i love this.

fullerfigurefullerbust: http://www.ladyvlondon.com/Plus-Size-Dre...

Mon, 20 May 2013 04:05:17 -0600

fullerfigurefullerbust:

http://www.ladyvlondon.com/Plus-Size-Dresses_B26FPG.aspx

Photo

Mon, 20 May 2013 03:58:41 -0600

jellobatch: fullerfigurefullerbust: http://viksen.fr/ beautifu...

Mon, 20 May 2013 03:43:09 -0600

jellobatch:

fullerfigurefullerbust:

http://viksen.fr/

beautiful

Photo

Mon, 20 May 2013 03:33:58 -0600

Were you trying to make me cry with that Odd/Ulrich bromance post? Because it worked. dies

Mon, 20 May 2013 03:30:00 -0600

I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT THEIR DYNAMIC OKAY ;___; ~~so. yes. good.~~

stormqueen: spartacus cast ‘in the tub’: ellen hollman

Mon, 20 May 2013 03:23:22 -0600

stormqueen:

spartacus cast ‘in the tub’: ellen hollman

stormqueen: spartacus cast ‘in the tub’: cynthia...

Mon, 20 May 2013 03:21:33 -0600

stormqueen:

spartacus cast ‘in the tub’: cynthia addai-robinson

yesthisisbeauty: Dorian Cobb by Jean Baptiste Mondino

Mon, 20 May 2013 03:18:34 -0600

yesthisisbeauty:

Dorian Cobb by Jean Baptiste Mondino

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Mon, 20 May 2013 03:15:42 -0600

korrastyle: Sudden Clarity Korra

Mon, 20 May 2013 03:00:59 -0600

korrastyle:

Sudden Clarity Korra

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Mon, 20 May 2013 02:21:17 -0600

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Mon, 20 May 2013 01:16:00 -0600

a grave poetic hen.

misandrwitch: Is This A Kink I Have Or Was This Fic just Really Well Written; an existential crisis...

what a physically and emotionally draining day.

candlejacked replied your post themoonascendant replied your post so this doctor, who last time we...

themoonascendant replied your post so this doctor, who last time we saw her was all enthusiastic and...

so this doctor, who last time we saw her was all enthusiastic and empathetic “we’ll see...

the magic of even light make-up is you can’t tell...

SO I’VE BEEN HAVING SEVERE STOMACH PAIN AND AM REALLY NAUSEOUS AND SHAKING AND HAVEN’T...

i seriously need to go to bed but holy shit i love this.

fullerfigurefullerbust: http://www.ladyvlondon.com/Plus-Size-Dre...

Photo

jellobatch: fullerfigurefullerbust: http://viksen.fr/ beautifu...

Photo

Were you trying to make me cry with that Odd/Ulrich bromance post? Because it worked. *dies*

stormqueen: spartacus cast ‘in the tub’: ellen hollman

stormqueen: spartacus cast ‘in the tub’: cynthia...

yesthisisbeauty: Dorian Cobb by Jean Baptiste Mondino

Photo

korrastyle: Sudden Clarity Korra

Photo

Photo

Were you trying to make me cry with that Odd/Ulrich bromance post? Because it worked. dies